Clarity to Create

My journey becoming an artist 

Hold up. Backtrack. That statement does fully compute. 

Every journey in life is grey, full of subtle nuances that over time, create a “seemingly” full story. There is no journey to “becoming” an artist. It’s a complication of mistakes, failures, lucky brakes, practice practice practice, faith in yourself, bad projects, failed clients, days where you want to quit, and so much more that slowly let you creep towards the ever evolving feeling of being a creator. 

Any else feel like they never truly, “fit”? My brain just didn’t function like everyone else’s did. I was book smart and focused, up until high school, then I started to notice changes. 

I started to notice my disinterest in every day life. With private school pushed onto me and no way out of this ever present “top performer” mold I was expected to fit, my mind started to go hazy. Volleyball didn’t’ fix it, cheerleading was a bust, my grades were mediocre and I wasn’t very social. The only time I felt like I could be who God wanted me to be, was in the art room with the rest of the art nerds. While my ABC’s weren’t thriving, my soul found some clarity in processing life the way I only could. 

That’s when I started to realize that the world doesn’t like free-thinkers. 

Teachers don’t like freethinkers. Parents don’t like freethinkers. College applications don’t like freethinkers. Bosses don’t like freethinkers. Pastors don’t like freethinkers. 

Now, it does come with a price. Most of my peers felt they’re safest accepting standard college degrees to get standard jobs. I just couldn’t do that. 

The band JOSEPH said it best with these genius lyrics that read 

“I wish I could just flip a switch and just accept you’re kind of muted bliss.” 

Muted bliss. What a funny way or wording the norm. Muted, dull, blurry, but blissful. Successful? Safe? ….Steady paycheck?

I know there are so many of us who have a burning desire, a burning passion, to do something beautiful with our life. But we ignore. We fall into muted bliss. 

During some of the darkest years of my life, I made a vow to God that if we pulled me through, if I survived what seemed unsurvivable, I would dedicate my life to all things beautiful. To joy. To art. To creating. To meaningful conversation. To being inspired and inspiring others. To oozing passion, unapologetically. 

Cue getting married. Cue not having to work multiple jobs. Cue financial stability. Cue owning a house. All of which allowed me the space to be a lifetime learner and an ever evolving artist. 

Even more, I have a deep understanding now of what God wants from me. I believe we all have deep, meaningful gifts that we feel in our bones. Not passions. Not talents. True, God given gifts. When I was in my early twenties and had multiple jobs to pay for housing and college, I never questioned my capabilities as a creator. I knew it would happen, I just didn’t know how. 

Its okay to not understand the in-between steps of life. My favorite cliche quote ever is “Jump, and the net will appear.” I see it more as “jump, have faith, do the work, don’t doubt, keep on keeping on, and THE NET WILL APPEAR.